FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE - sense of humor

Lesson 1:


A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs
downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door
neighbour.


Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you
$800 to drop that towel.'


After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands
her $800 and leaves.



The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who
was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.



'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything
about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and
risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a
position to prevent avoidable exposure.



Lesson 2:


A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal
a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.


After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up
her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let
his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm
129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is
weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on
her way.


On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up
Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you
will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a
great opportunity.



Lesson 3:


A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one
wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I
want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a
care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want
to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal
masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of
my life.'


Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office
after lunch.'


Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.



Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also
sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and
rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the
rabbit and ate it.


Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very,
very high up.



Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that
tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the
energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with
nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually
gave him enough str ength to reach the lowest branch of the
tree.


The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of
the tree.


Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there..



Lesson 6


A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so
cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large
field.


While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some
dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he
began to realize how warm he was.


The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for
joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate.


Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the
pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.


Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep

your mouth shut!



THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT
COURSE