FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE - sense of humor

Lesson 1:


A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs
downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door
neighbour.


Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you
$800 to drop that towel.'


After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands
her $800 and leaves.



The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who
was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.



'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything
about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and
risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a
position to prevent avoidable exposure.



Lesson 2:


A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal
a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.


After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up
her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let
his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm
129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is
weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on
her way.


On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up
Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you
will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a
great opportunity.



Lesson 3:


A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one
wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I
want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a
care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want
to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal
masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of
my life.'


Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office
after lunch.'


Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.



Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also
sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and
rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the
rabbit and ate it.


Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very,
very high up.



Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that
tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the
energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with
nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually
gave him enough str ength to reach the lowest branch of the
tree.


The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of
the tree.


Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there..



Lesson 6


A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so
cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large
field.


While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some
dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he
began to realize how warm he was.


The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for
joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate.


Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the
pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.


Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep

your mouth shut!



THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT
COURSE

What they actually mean ???

If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a
new style

If a driver makes a mistake,
It is a
New path

If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a
new venture

If parents makes a mistake,
It is a
new generation

If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a
new law

If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a
new invention

If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a
new fashion

If a teacher makes a mistake ,
It is a
new theory

If our boss makes a mistake,
It is a
New idea

If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a
'Mistake' No argument, please!

再多一个心理测验

你 給 別 人 的 形 象
用直覺來回答下列問題，轉瞬間便知道自己在別人心中是怎樣的一個人了。

(1) 你會把自己比喻成哪種花香？
濃郁的花香 --> 去第2題
清淡的花香 --> 去第3題

(2) 你會選擇哪種香味的潤唇膏？
水果味 --> 去第4題
薄荷味 --> 去第5題

(3) 你會把自己比喻為哪種花束？
紅色系的花束(如紅色/粉紅色/橙色) --> 去第2題
非紅色系的花束(如白色/藍色/紫色) --> 去第5題

(4) 你跟意中人首次約會用什麼香水？
帶有甜味的花香 --> 去第6題
清爽的水果香味 --> 去第7題

(5) 你較喜歡哪種味道？
盛夏乾燥的草味 --> 去第4題
雨後濕淋淋的草味 --> 去第7題

(6) 玫瑰和百合，你較喜歡哪種香味？
玫瑰 --> 去第8題
百合 --> 去第9題

(7) 你剛發現一瓶新款洗頭水，你十分喜歡它的味道，那瓶子的形狀是怎樣的？
圓形 -->去第6題
長身形 --> 去第10題

(8) 當你情緒低落時，哪種味道最能撫慰你的心靈？
花香 --> 去第11題
森林的味道 --> 去第12題

(9) 你在收視超高的劇集中看見一個香包，收O什麼顏色？
紫色 --> 去第8題
紅色 --> 去第12題

(10) 市面剛推出了一種全新的香草味雪糕，你的看法是什麼？
相當引人注意 --> 去第9題
不太引人注意 --> 去第13題

(11) 下列哪種味道會勾起你懷念的感覺？
麵包香味 --> 去第14題
大自然的味道 --> 去第15題

(12) 如果月亮的光輝會發出味道，你嗅到後會聯想起下列哪組形容詞？
刺激/燦爛奪目/香味四溢 --> 去第11題
沉鬱/弧獨/踏實/安靜 -->去第15題

(13) 你較喜歡哪種香味？
香料 --> 去第12題
茶香 --> 去第16題

(14) 你對體味的看法是？
非常討厭 --> 去第17題
如果是自己喜歡的味道就沒有關係 --> 去第18題

(15) 你覺得什麼香味較有助提神？
柑橘香 --> 去第14題
薄荷香 -->去第18題

(16) 你喜歡異性身上有哪種香味？
香水味 --> 去第15題
自然肥皂 --> 去第19題

(17) 想起遊樂場，你會想起哪種味道？
牛奶及葡萄 --> 去第20題
甜甜的糖果 --> 去第21題

(18) 如果要在房間燃點香薰，你喜歡哪一種形狀的香薰？
三角錐形 --> 去第17題
棒狀 --> 去第21題

(19) 你對於香水的看法是？
非常喜歡 --> 去第18題
不算十分喜歡 --> 去第22題

(20) 對於嬰兒使用的肥皂系列香味有什麼看法？
喜歡 --> A 型
不是特別喜歡 --> B 型

(21) 你知道自己的味道嗎？
不知道 --> 去第20題
知道 --> C 型

(22) 喜歡皮革的味道嗎？
喜歡 --> 去第21題
討厭 --> D 型


























































◆ A. 你是屬於水果香形象
你充滿自由愉悅的氣息，總是沉溺左遊樂場當中，像個天真無邪的孩子。有你在的地方，整個氣氛都會興奮起來，所以你是聚會中不可或缺的人物。

雖說你個性開朗，受到大部份人的喜愛，但別人一般認為難以跟你成為親密好友，即是說，你給人的印象只是個搞笑能手。有些人覺得你愛玩弄別人，依賴性又強，所以不太願意親近你。不過，真正的你其實十分成熟穩重，正因透徹了解你的人不多，所以知己朋友也相當少。


◆ B. 你是屬於東方花香形象
你擁有強烈的自我意識及自己的世界，不會被他人玩弄於股掌之間，會利用自己的力量積極地達成願望，給人有熱情的印象。你不會跟朋友糾纏不清，再加上給人單獨行動的印象，圍繞在你週遭的人都會覺得你是一個「帶有神秘色彩的人物」。

「神秘感」有時是相當有魅力的意思，但是人們對於你嚴密的防備以及自命清高的態度，感覺無法輕鬆地與你對談而覺得你難以應付。甚而變成非必要不跟你接觸,對你敬而遠之的傾向。真正的你其實是相當溫柔的，但是除非是與你相當親近的，否則是無法注意到你的優點。


◆ C. 你是屬於草香形象
你擁有非常堅強的意志，不依賴他人，給人獨來獨往的印象。你擁有旺盛的好奇心與豐富的感受性，是個過著知性生活的現代人。驟看下你是個自命清高，不好相處的人，但是一旦跟你交談後，就知道你很好相處，等到交情加深之後，就更知道你其實擁有很爽快的個性。

你所擁有的中性化魅力，讓你不論在男性團體或女性團體都大受歡迎，不過你不喜歡讓人看到你脆弱的一面。你外表上看來也許很冷靜，但實際上卻是熱情如火。能夠知道你真正本性的人，才能夠跟你天長地久地交往下去。


◆ D. 你是屬於花香形象
你總是給人樂觀、積極和勇於面對困難的感覺，而且溫柔優雅，很懂得為他人設想，給人非常擅長維繫人際關係的印象。這樣的你讓人感到既堅強又脆弱，尤其是你那關懷體貼的包容力，更讓人覺得你相當有魅力，很值得信賴。

你長期給人認為你是個「拜託做事絕不會拒絕」的人，所以特別容易讓依賴心強、只顧自己利益的人利用。這些人因為看中你細心隨和的一面，所以會故意親近你，然後借故佔你便宜。

Latest Example on certain words

"嫁妝" 就是丈母娘給女婿的回扣。
"代溝" 就是我問老爸覺得"菊花台"怎麼樣，他說沒喝過。
"自戀" 就是下輩子我一定要投胎做女人，然後嫁個像我這樣的男人。
"無語" 就是法官問：你為什麼印假鈔？罪犯說：真鈔我不會印。
"約會" 就是一對男女展現自己前所未有的精湛演技的時候。
"天堂" 就是所有的女人都在，只有你老婆不在的地方。
"無奈" 就是被狗咬了一口，卻無法反咬一口時的感覺。
"醜聞" 就是當你帶一個醜八怪女孩出遊，就會聽到周遭的人所說的話。
"絕望" 就是飯館吃飯點了兩菜，吃第一個："世上還有比這更難吃的嗎？" 吃第二個："靠！還真的有！"
"白領" 就是今天發了薪水，交了房租、水電瓦斯費，買了油、米和泡麵，摸摸口袋剩下的錢，感歎一聲：這月薪水又白領了！

小小心理测验

Take a piece of paper and write down the answers.. The analysis is in the end....
请拿出一张纸一支笔把你的答案写下来，结论就在后面。



Situation: 场景：

You are in a deep deep forest... as you walk on you saw an old hut standing there...
你在森林的深处，你向前走，看见前面有一座很旧的小屋。

(1) What is the status of the door? (Opened/closed)
这个小屋的门现在是什么状态？（开着/关着）


(2) You enter the hut and see a table... What is the shape of the table? (Round/Oval/Square/Rectangle/Triangle)
你走进屋子里看见一张桌子, 这个桌子是什么形状的？（圆形/椭圆形/正方形/长方形/三角形）


(3) On top of the table there is a vase... in the vase there is water. How much water is it filled up with? (Full/Half/Empty)
在桌子上有个花瓶，瓶子里有水，有多少水在花瓶里？（满的/一半/空的）


(4) And what is the vase made of? (Glass/porcelain/clay) (metal/plastic/wood)
这个瓶子是由什么材料制造的？ （玻璃/陶瓷/泥土）（金属/塑料/木头）


(5) You walk out of the hut... as you carry on your walk in the forest... you see a waterfall from far... there is water running down...
What is the speed of the water? (Choose a number ranging from 0 to 10)
你走出屋子，继续向森林深处前进，你看见远处有瀑布飞流直下，请问水流的速度是多少？（你可以从0—10任意选一个）


(6) Some time after the waterfall... you step on something hard on the ground... as you look down... you see glistening gold in colour. You bend down and pick it up... it is a keychain chained with keys...
How many key /keys you see hanging on the keychain? (Choose a number ranging from 1 to 10)
过了一会，你走过瀑布，你站在坚硬的地面上，你看见地上有金光闪烁，你弯腰拾起来，是一个带着钥匙的钥匙链。有多少把钥匙拴在上面，你可以任意选一个数字（从1到10）


(7) You walk on and on... trying to find your way out...suddenly you see a castle.
What is the condition of the castle?　(Old/new)
你继续向前走，试着找出一条路来，突然你发现眼前有一座城堡。这个城堡是什么样的？（旧的/新的）


(8) You enter the castle and saw a pool of murky water with shining jewels floating on it...Will you pick up the jewel?　(YES/NO)
你走进城堡，看见一个游泳池，黑暗的水面上飘浮着很多闪闪发光的宝石，你会捡起这些宝石吗？（是/不）


(9) Next to the murky pool... there's another pool... with clear water and money floating on it...
Will you pick the money?　(YES/NO)
在这个黑暗的游泳池旁边还有一座游泳池。清澈的水面上飘浮着很多枚钱币。你会捡起这些钱币吗？（是/不）　


(10) Walking to the end of the castle there is an exit...you proceed to walk out of the castle. Outside the exit, there is big garden, you see a box on the ground.
What is the size of the box? (small/medium/big)
你走到城堡的尽头有一个出口，你继续向前走走出了城堡。在城堡外面，你看见一座大花园，你看见地面上有一个箱子。这个箱子是多大尺寸的？（小/中/大）　

　　
(11) What is the material of the box? (cardboard/paper/wooden/metal)
这个箱子是什么材料做的？ （硬纸板/纸/木头/金属）


(12) There is a bridge in the garden some distance away from the box, What is the bridge made of? (metal/wooden/rattan)
花园里还有一座桥就在离着箱子的不远处。桥是什么材料建造的？（金属/木头/藤条）


(13) Across the bridge, there is a horse. What is the colour of the horse?(white/grey/brown/black)
走过这座桥，有一匹马。马是什么颜色的？（白色/灰色/褐色/黑色）


(14) What is the horse doing? (still and quiet/nibbling grass/running about)
马正在做什么？（安静地站着/吃草/在附近奔跑）


(15) OH NO!!! There is a tornado coming... some distance from the horse. You have 3 options:
(i) run and hide in the box?
(ii) run and hide under the bridge?
(iii) run to the horse, ride on and gallop away?
哦，不！离马很近的地方突然刮起了一阵龙卷风。你三种选择。
（1） 跑过去藏在箱子里？
（2） 跑过去藏在桥底下？
（3） 跑过去骑马离开？
















































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Here are the interpretations:
　　好了，这就是我们的结论：

(1)
The door:
opened door - you are a person who is willing to share
closed door - you are a person who is keeping things to yourself
门：
门如果是开着的：说明你是一个任何事都愿与别人分享的人
门如果是关着的：说明你是一个任何事都愿一个人去做的人


(2)
The table:
Round/oval - any friends that came along, you will accept and trust them completely
圆形/椭圆形—总有一些朋友陪伴着你，你完全地信任并接受他们。
Square/rectangle - you are a bit more choosy on friends and only hang out with those whom you think are on the same frequency
正方形/长方形—你在交朋友的时候有点挑剔，你只是和那些你认为比较熟悉的朋友有一些来往。
Triangle - you are really very very picky about friends and there are not many friends in your life.
三角形—在对待朋友的问题上，你是一个真正的非常吹毛求疵的人，所以你的生活里没有许多朋友。


(3)
Water in vase:
Empty - your life is not fulfilled
Half filled - what you want in your life is half fullfilled
Full - your life is completely fulfilled and good for you! :)
瓶子里的水
空的——你目前的生活很不满意。
一半——你的生活只有一半达到你的理想。
满的——你对目前的生活非常满意。


(4) Material of vase:
glass/clay/porcelain - you are weak in your life and tends to be fragile
瓶子的质地：
玻璃/泥土/陶瓷——在生活里你是一个脆弱而需要得到照顾的人。
metal/plastic/wood - you are strong in your life
金属/塑料/木头——你在生活里是一个强者。


(5)
Flow of waterfall:
0 - no sex drive at all
1 to 4 - low sex drive
5 - average sex drive
6 to 9 - high sex drive
10 - gone case!!! super high sex drive!!! Can't live without sex...
水流速度：
0— 你根本没有性欲
1— 4你的性欲很低
5— 中等水平的性欲
6— 9很强的性欲
10— 哇噻！你有超强的性欲，生活里没有性根本不行。


(6)
Keys:
1 - you have one good friend in your life
2 to 5 - you have a few good friends in your life
6 to 10 - you have a lot good friends
钥匙：
1—生活中你只有一个好朋友。
2— 5生活中你有一些好朋友。
6—10生活中你有许多好朋友。　 　


(7) Castle:
　　Old - shows that your last relationship is not a good one and is not memorable to you.
　　New - your last relationship is good and it's still fresh in your heart.
城堡：
旧的—显示你在过去的交往中有一段不好的和不值得纪念的关系。
新的—显示你在过去的交往中有一段很好的交往现在仍然鲜活的驻留在你心里。　


(8)
The jewel from the murky pool water:
YES - when your partner is around you, you will flirt around with others.
NO - when your partner is around, you will stick around with him/her most of the time.
从脏水的游泳池里捡宝石：
是—当你的伴侣在你身边时，你依然和周围的人调情。
不—当你的伴侣在你身边里，你绝大多数时间只会围着他/她转。


(9)
The money from the clear water pool:
YES - when your partner is not around you, you will still flirt around with others.
NO - even when your partner is not around, you will still think of her and and will be loyal to him/her, not flirting around with others.
从清澈的游泳池里捡钱币：
是——当你的伴侣不在你身边，你会和周围的人调情。
不——当你的伴侣不在你身边，你也会忠实于他/她，不和周围的人调情。


(10) The size of the box:
small - low ego
medium - average ego
big - high ego
箱子的大小
小—不自负
中等—比较自负
大—非常自负


(11) Material of the box (outlook of the box):
cardboard/paper/wooden(non-shining)
– humble personality
metal - proud and stuck up personality
箱子的材料（从表面看）
硬纸/纸/木头（不闪光）——谦虚的性格
金属——骄傲而顽固的性格


(12) The material of the bridge:
metal bridge - have very strong bond with your friends
wooden bridge - average bond with your friends
rattan bridge - you are not in good terms with your friends
桥的材料
金属——和朋友有非常紧密的联系
木头——和朋友有比较紧密的联系
藤条——周围没有很好的朋友


(13) Colour of the horse:
white - your partner is pure and good in your heart.
grey/brown - your partner is only average in your heart.
black - your partner doesn't seem to be good in your heart and appears to be bad sign.
马的颜色：
白色——你的伴侣在你心目中非常纯洁而美好。
灰色/褐色——你的伴侣在你心目中的位置一般。
黑色——你的伴侣在你心目中好像根本不怎么样，甚至还很坏。


(14) Horse action:
still and quiet/nibbling grass - your partner is a very homely and humble person.
running about - your partner is a wild type person.
马的动作：
安静/吃草——你的伴侣是一个顾家的，谦虚的人。
在附近奔跑——你的伴侣是一个非常狂野的人。


（15）This the last but most important part of the test.
From how I ended the story... a tornado approaches...
What are you going do? There are only 3 options:
(i) run and hide in the box?
(ii) run and hide under the bridge?
(iii) run to the horse, ride on and gallop away?
这是最后一个问题但也是最重要的问题。对了，故事的结尾是一阵龙卷风，
你怎么去做呢？这里提供了三种选择：
(i) 跑过去藏在箱子里面？
(ii) 跑过去藏在桥下面？
(iii) 跑过去骑上马走？
What will you choose?
Now, the above is signified by these things:
tornado - problems in your life
box - you
bridge - your friends
horse - your partner
那么什么是你的选择呢？
现在，我们看看上面的这些事物代表的是什么：
龙卷风——你生活中的麻烦
箱子——你自己
桥——你的朋友
马——你的伴侣
(i) So if you choose the box, you keep your problems to yourself whenever you are met with problems.
(ii) or if you choose the bridge, you will go to your friends whenever you are met problems.
(iii) or lastly if you choose the horse, you seek your partner whenever your partner whenever you are met
with problems.
（i）如果你选择箱子，你无论何时遇到麻烦你都会自己解决。
（ii）或者你选择桥，无论何时你遇到麻烦你都有将去找你的朋友一起解决。
（iii）又或者你选择的最后一个马，你寻找的伴侣是你无论何时遇到麻烦都要和他/她一起去面对。

What Makes A Malaysian A Malaysian?

1. A typical young Malaysian can name all the players from a top English Premier League club, but ask him to name one football player from Malaysia, he cannot!


2. When StreamyX come, you complain StreamyX too slow. When Maxis Broadband come, you complain Maxis Broadband always disconnects. When WiMax come, you complain Wimax too expensive. In the end, you say StreamyX still the best lah.


3. When you cannot find parking in a shopping mall and have to walk very far, you complain. When you go inside the shopping mall and there's SALE, run from one end of 1Utama to the other, that one NO COMPLAINT.


4. You are always late. And the excuse you give when you're late is always either: (a) traffic jam (b) no transport or (c) cannot find parking.


5. You have a parent who forces you to take science stream in high school, study engineering in Uni, then when you graduate, they ask you to forget everything you learnt in Uni and do commerce.


6. You know someone who can specially develop an angmoh accent when speaking to an American / British / Australian.


7. Every year on the 30th April, you are one of the people below queuing up last minute to submit your tax return at the IRB.


8. When you pay RM10 for something that costs RM1, you blame the Chinese.


9. When a government service is too slow, you blame the Malays.


10. When a building is not good and collapsed, you blame the Indians.


11. When an angmoh stranger kisses you on the cheek to say hello, you very happy. When a Malaysian guy kisses you on the cheek to say hello, you slap him in face.

Joke Sharing

Firstly, I feel so sorry if Mr. Lim TC and Mr. Hor SP visit my blog and read this joke... Please don't take it seriously... Although it is unlikely to happen. ( I mean both of them will visit my blog)



A good lawyer


One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man 'Why are you eating grass?'


'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied.

'We have to eat grass.'

'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you', the lawyer said.


'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me.

They are over there, under that tree'.


'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated,


'You come with us also.'

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said,

'But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!'


'Bring them all, as well,' the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,

'Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.'

The lawyer replied, 'Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 metre high!'


Lesson : Don't trust kind lawyers!!

VERY INTERESTING STUFF

I may have shared this before... long long long time ago...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'

-------------------------------------------

Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

-------------------------------------------

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

-------------------------------------------

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.

-------------------------------------------

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

-------------------------------------------

Coca-Cola was originally green.

-------------------------------------------

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

-------------------------------------------


Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar

------------------------------------------------------------------------

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

------------------------------------------------------------------------

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?

A. Obsession

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?

A. One thousand

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

A. All were invented by women.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey

------------------------------------------------------------------------


In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.

When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'

------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'

It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

- Now....
Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a word are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is that the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe.. Amzanig huh?
------------------------------------------------------------------------

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

*_Interesting & Meaningful Equations _*

*_Don’t forget to read the conclusion in the end _*

++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++++++++ ++++++++ +++++++ ++++

*_Equation 1 _*

Humans = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Humans = Donkeys + Work + enjoy

Therefore:
Humans - enjoy = Donkeys + Work

In other words,
Humans that don't enjoy = Donkeys that work.

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ ++ ++

*_Equation 2 _*

Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Men = Donkeys + earn money

Therefore:
Men - earn money = Donkeys

In other words
Men who do not earn money = Donkeys

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ ++++! +++++ +

*_Equation 3 _*

Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Women = Donkeys + spend
Women - spend = Donkeys

In other words,
Women who do not spend = Donkeys

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +

*/_To Conclude: _/*

*From Equation 2 and Equation 3 *

*Men who don't earn money = Women who don't spend *

*So Men earn money not to let women become donkeys! *
*And women spend not to let men become donkeys! *

*So, We have: *
*Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + Spend money *

*Therefore we can conclude *
*Men + Women = 2 Donkeys that live happily together *

X'mas Gift...

X'mas is coming... Here is the present... Try to find out all the present and escape from the room...

http://neutralxe.net/esc/xmas1_play.html

Merry X'mas!!!

How old is ur brain?

Thanks to Tung for the game...

Try this flash game and you may know how old is your brain...

Procedure:
1. Click the link Brain Test
2. Press "Start" on the game.
3. After 3,2,1... The screen will show some numbers from 0 to 9 randomly inside a circle. Remember the position of the numbers. After the numbers disappear, click the circle one by one from the smallest number to the largest number.
4. After 10 times, the game will tell you how old is your brain... Haha~~~

Flash Game

Recently keep searching for some nice flash game... Here are the two that is quite nice and which to be shared...


一隻變態既智力game->Try to move all the vertices so that no lines are overlapping... More and more complicated...




按這裡進入游戲



魔法守城->Put some magicians with different abilities around the road to prevent enemies from entering your territory...




按這裡進入游戲

这是一个故事

这是一位朋友的分享。他说他觉得这个故事很有意思，令他感触良多......

倒數

备注：相信股市的主人翁居住在香港


從事投資顧問的我，從來都很愛自己的家人，愛自己的伴侶。至少 ，我以為是這樣。

我每天的主要工作是緊貼著香港及美國股市，就是這樣 ，已經花掉大半生時間。餘下的時間就安置在情人、朋友、及家人身上。為了《愛得太遲》的內容，為了對家人、情人的內疚感而流過眼淚，但淚痕風化後，仍雖繼續為「將來 」而賣命。為了《無事常相見》的歌詞，為了曾被冷落的好友而眼淺過，但深呼吸一口氣，還是要營役餘生。

為了未能抽空回家團年，為了未能抽空陪女朋友驗身 ，我們竟花得起寶貴的時間來冷戰。但我想，父母、伴侶，都是最親的人，應該會明白的。

我的生日快要來臨，但沒有期待過，因為，根本沒甚麼值得慶祝 。反而，想一個人靜下來，享受一刻的寧靜。在南丫島的度假屋內，我準備感受一個較孤單的生日。

在晚上，靜坐在度假屋的露台，沐浴在帶有點點鹽份的微風中 ，整個世界都變得很寧靜。突然，我迷迷糊糊的聽見頗陌生的聲音，我再細心一點聽 ……原來，他在跟我說話：?「 ……年青人，我希望今年送您一份很特別的生日禮物，甚麼也可以。」

我想，我大概已經進入了夢境，跟神仙對話。我微笑回應道：? 「是神仙嗎？那……我真的甚麼願望也可以提出？」
「對。」
「那，我就希望有一雙眼，能夠看透每一隻股票升跌時間。」
「沒有問題，那對眼睛已經給您了。」
夢醒了，一笑置之。

第二天，回到戰場上，我看著升得頗急的「森力鋼鐵」，心想 「它還可以升多少天」呢，突然間，有個發光的「 3」字浮在「森力鋼鐵」之上。三天後，它真的插水式回落了。原來，這份生日禮物是 ……真的。

我善用這雙上天賜給我的「眼睛」，在股票市場嬴了很多場勝仗 。不過，我已經有很多天沒有見過家人和女朋友了。

今天回家，一推開門，就向著自己的房間走去，隱約的聽見媽媽說：? 「明天是爸爸生日，你可以回來吃飯嗎？」不過，爸爸立即搶著說：?「不用回來，你忙你的工作吧！」

我放下了工作包，就走到客廳跟爸爸說：?「如果可以的話我會………」突然，我看見爸爸的頭頂出現了一個發光的數字……「35 」。我立即給嚇呆了。之後，我慢慢回到房間，35天後，爸爸會……

爸爸生日那天，我盡能力完成手頭上的工作，回到家，爸爸已經睡了 。我在房間像小朋友的哭起來。三天後，我請了假期跟父母飲早茶，看見爸爸的發光的數字是「34 」……原來，這是我還可以見他的次數。慢慢地，我也看見媽媽的頭上浮現了「45」這個數字。

原來，看著自己跟家人的相處日子在無情的倒數，心，是很痛 ，很痛的。

星期天，被我冷落了的女朋友終於來電，想見一見我 。我們就相約在又一城的COVA見面，因為我記得，她很想到 COVA 吃甜品，但我一直未有時間陪她。我到了好一陣子，她還沒有出現……半小時後，我看見站在大門口的她 ……頭上面出現了「1」字，我……還看見她身邊多了一個「他」。這次之後，我們真的再也沒有見面。

一個星期後，我辭掉了工作，盡量陪伴在家人的左右 ，用儲下來的積蓄跟他們去旅行，直至爸爸患了重病 ……直至爸爸頭上終於出現「單位」數字。最後陪伴爸爸的幾天，我盡量逃避正面面對他，最多也只是低下頭跟爸爸說話 ，因為我不希望看見「3」、「2」、「1」。

在隱約看見爸爸的「1」字那刻，我離開了病房，走到街上。在途中我一直淚流滿面，眼前的東西都已經看得不清不楚。在醫院大門外，我看見媽媽，抹乾眼淚後，她的頭上竟然出現「 1 」字……媽媽…… 我轉身看著身邊的途人，全部都在
頭頂掛著發光的「1」……我呆呆的退後一步，就看著馬路上的巴士撞向自己，來不及反應，我已經眼前一黑。

很光……很光……原來，已經天亮了……原來我還在度假屋的露台上。

多謝他的「生日禮物」，我想，我大概知道餘下的路應該怎樣行。

我們……是不是要看見「倒數」，才會懂得珍惜可以親眼看見他 / 她的「這一次」。

朋友：
就由今天起，每次與父母、親人、伴侶、朋友見面，就請珍重珍惜。

要學懂世事無常。


故事完了，感想时间......

首先，肃静......沉思一下，究竟知不知道 ............这个故事在讲什么？

过后，需要绝对的肃静，在宁静的环境中更能让人的思想集中，让自己的情绪沉淀下来......究竟知不知道这个故事想表达什么？

绝对清楚故事的启示......对自己有切身的影响吗？

这位朋友告诉我，看完了这篇文章，觉得金钱并不能满足家人需要的关怀，只可以满足自己的愧疚心......真正的关怀是什么？

早婚 OR 迟婚？

刚刚看爽的这个...有兴趣可以试试看~~~
我做这个测验并不代表本人任何立场......




按這裡進入游戲

Type speed test

Found this in my friend's blog... 1st try 46 words per minute, this is the 2nd try... still considering for the 3rd try... hahaha...

56 words

Speed test

一个看了很多次还是觉得很好笑的笑话

玩電話既最高境界

學生問教授一個人生哲理的問題︰「教授我想問，生氣、憤怒、嬲到震同埋哭笑不得，有乜野唔同？」
教授說︰「我做個實驗俾你睇，你就容易明嫁勒。」．．．．．．．．．．

於是他揭開電話簿，隨便搵左一個叫小明既電話號碼，就打電話過去，電話接通，教授按擴音鍵讓學生聽清楚……
教授︰「請問梁朝偉係度嘛？」
小明︰「你打錯喇！」
教授︰「唔好扮野啦！梁朝偉係度嘛？」
小明︰「都話你打錯咯！」

說著就把電話掛了。之後，教授即刻又打電話過去……
教授︰「請問梁朝偉係度嘛？」
小明︰「邊個呀！你打錯喇。」
教授︰「請問梁朝偉係度嘛？」
小明︰「你老母，痴線嫁。」
又把電話掛了。

授馬上又撥左一次……
教授︰「請問梁朝偉係度嘛？」
小明︰「你到底係邊個？少無聊了！」
教授︰「我係劉德華，我要搵梁朝偉……」
小明︰「白癡架！你係劉德華咁我咪係成龍！我XYZ你個上中下！」
說完，就把電話甩上。l

教授告訴學生︰「呢D就係生氣喇！跟住，俾你睇下乜野叫憤怒啦！」
教授又撥一通電話過去……
教授︰「請問梁朝偉係度嘛？」
小明︰「你係咪五行欠打？要搵梁朝偉打去中國星啦！你老母丫，你有種就打黎俾我睇下……」
說完就更用力的甩上電話。
教授告訴學生︰「呢D就係憤怒。跟住，俾你睇下乜野叫嬲到震！」

接著，教授又撥了一通電話，這次隔了一段時間才有人接，電話一接通……
小明︰「頂你個肺！b你老母……」
正當他破口大罵的同時……
教授︰「請問，你係咪小明？我是xx銀行打來的~」
小明︰「喔！真係對唔住，因為頭先有人惡作劇，我唔係特登要鬧你……」
教授︰「唔緊要，請問梁朝偉係度嘛？」
小明︰「哇!你個仆……」
這次沒等小明鬧完，教授就把電話掛了。

教授告訴學生︰「呢D就係嬲到震，你明未？」
學生答︰「我完全明白晒喇！」學生點點頭︰「不過……乜野係哭笑不得呢？」
教授笑了笑，又打左同一個號碼，對方快速接起電話……
小明︰「喂！！！你個傻仔係咪想玩野呀？」
教授︰「我係梁朝偉，請問頭先有冇電話搵我……」

新闻标题

基本上标题是一样非常重要的东西。就好像报章上，每天都有一大串各式各样的标题，真的让你目不暇给，所以，一个突出的标题就能吸引读者的兴趣，详细阅读里边的内容。今天我想说的，是想称赞娱乐新闻的标题创造人。我相信文章和标题不一定是同一个人的手笔，所以称之为标题创作人。我刚刚看到一个娱乐新闻，是说TVB的《学警出更》结局篇的收视。哈哈！真的是笑翻了！基本上这套戏的结局（如果你不介意知道结局的请按CTRL+A)是饰演陶大宇老婆的郭羡妮剖腹产子后惨死。然后这一幕的收视是最高的。标题是：“250萬觀眾睇郭羨妮點死”... 真的有少少......好笑~~~

無聊 IQ 題, 好無聊但好好笑...............

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由于是香港网站转贴的，所以回答问题或参考答案时请从粤语或香港出发。
答案会有一点冷...哈哈...应该会很冷...哈哈...


Q1= 巴斯光年殺o左條龍之後變左咩？
答案係：殺龍巴斯

Q2= 一個肥婆係三十八樓跌落地，會變左咩？
答案係：死肥婆

Q3= 有玩具不可帶上船玩哩?
答案係：爆船舵螺

Q4= 1+1幾時會=3？
答案係：錯個陣

Q5= 樹邊部份最得閒？
答案係：葉！因為「葉得閒」

Q6= 用身體上邊樣野可以修飾雙手？
答案係：毛髮（Beyond: 無法(毛髮)可修飾的一對手）

Q7= 有一塊火腿同一條腸仔放左落同一隻鑊度，點解佢地唔傾計？
答案係：因為佢地未熟

Q8= 點解唔可以係船上講笑話？
答案係：因為個海聽到會笑，咁就會引起海嘯

Q9= 讀完中五讀乜？
答案係：讀下午

Q10= 皇后似咩？
答案係：似廣場，因為皇后像廣場

Q11= 咩植物識溜冰？
答案係：花，因為花式( 識) 溜冰

Q12= 去中國唱咩？
答案係："唱 "人民幣

Q13= 食乜野昆蟲會瘦？
答案係：蟻，因為食蟻瘦

Q14= 點解檸檬怕了柑子?
答案係：柑桔(拮)檸檬

Q15= 肥姐玩咩棋一定輸呢?
答案係：鬥獸(瘦)棋

Q16= 三十五日(估一個個家既國旗)?
答案係：中國, (五星旗 = 五星期)

Q17= 點解印度人用手食飯?
答案係：用腳較為髒,只好用手

Q18= 點解黑人要吃白朱古力?
答案係：因為怕食黑朱古力會將手指當朱古力食,咬親自己手指!!

Q19= 用乜抹窗最乾淨?
答案係：用力

Q20= 馬兒不要走!(估一個社會建設)?
答案係：Hospital... (horse 別逃)

Q21= 咩山最輕？
答案係：淮山

Q22= 後腦受傷既人，要點訓覺？
答案係：合埋眼訓

Q23= 一隻公雞加一隻母雞，(猜三個字)
答案係：兩隻雞

Q24= 有個人係飛機上面，架機晌3萬5千呎高空，突然飛機失事，咁條友會講"我要xxxxxx~!!!" xxx係咩?
答案係：諾基亞(落機呀)

Q25= 有個人去隆胸淨係單邊就收$7200, 整晒兩邊就要$24000點解?? (猜一成語)
答案係：一波三折

Q26= 有一個人去到一間屋門口，禁鐘無人應。第二個人，第三個人去到禁鐘都係無人應。到第四個人去到門口度，講左五個字就有人開門俾佢。究竟佢講左邊五個字？
答案係：我來自得誠

一流的IQ题

问题是这样的：

已知: 媽媽比小孩大 21 歲,六年之後媽媽的年齡是小孩年齡的5倍 　　

請問: 爸爸現在在哪裏?

其实也不能算什么IQ题，是数学题吧！不过需要动一下脑筋，不要这么执著和认真就可以了...

心理测验

刚刚浏览别人的部落格时发现这个测验 。如果你有兴趣测验可以浏览这里。 下面是成绩。我发现后半部和我的朋友完全一样，那么是准确吗？

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties. Am I really so straightforward? sometimes straightforward are not welcomed...but i think I am rational and problem solver as said above la... haha... hopefully it is correct...

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes. wah... u dun say i also dunno... but when will she appear?

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship. yes... this one exactly like wat i think...

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates. I think this sentence totally opposite with my situation...

Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job. Start from here is exactly same with my fren's analysis... haha... I have many practical ideas? let me think about it...

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life. yes... this is me...

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous. yes, i really afraid of failure... i afraid the feeling of failure...

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel. is it? but i think most of the ppl also dislike things that cant be controlled...

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve. haha... this is the sentence I like so much... especially first sentence... haha... Is it true? I also dunno... but seems like not many ppl come for my comment for different issues... haha...